The Last Line Made Me Laugh

Moscow, February 5, Interfax – Twenty-five buses with depiction of the Holy Trinity-St Sergius Laura and inscription "God EXISTS. Stop worrying and enjoy your life!" will drive London streets.

Thus, Russian-British Russky Chas broadcasting company has launched "a contra campaign" against recent ad action of the British Humanist Association, which put slogans "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life" on dozens of buses circulating in the British capital.

"Who says that faith in God prevents from enjoying your life? Our perplexity developed in a contra-campaign of both Russian and universal character. Its slogan will be even more positive and it’s very important in our complicated times. We’re facing intensive 'programming' of crisis and a person should summon up his strength and get an optimistic impulse," the Russky Chas Director Alexander Korobko was cited as saying by the Noviye Izvestia paper on Thursday.

Orthodox banners are twice bigger than atheist ads.

- Interfax, 05 February 2009, 14:12

The Trinty Lavra of St Sergius

This just in: Singapore has "extreme weather conditions"

The world's largest observation wheel, the Singapore Flyer, will be closed until investigations into Tuesday's incident are complete.

[...]

The last time a technical glitch occurred was just three weeks ago, on December 4. The wheel was stuck for nearly five hours due to extreme weather conditions and some 70 people were affected. In July, the Flyer stopped due to a minor fault in the braking system.

- Channel News Asia, 23 December 2008 1843 hrs

You heard of science-fiction?

Well, this is news-fiction!

Uniquely Singapore!

via Ben

Monks and Religious Vesture‏

I received a rather humourous email from a seminarian friend some days ago, which I thought my readers (especially those familiar with the vestments of the Roman rite) might enjoy:

"I was just reading this book entitled Vestments and Vesture by Dom. E. Roulin OSB, a monk of Ampleforth Abbey. Unfortunately, I was reading this in the library during the period of Grand Silence. I say 'unfortunately' because in the middle of my reading I would interrupt myself with suppressed snorts of laughter, attracting curious glances as if enquiring what one could possibly find so amusing in such a seriously titled book.

Among other things, the book discusses lace. Dom Roulin's position is that lace is nothing more than Renaissance worldliness and frivolity to be reserved to domestic articles such as 'tablecloths, curtains and dresses'.

He goes on to mention that some priests have lace on their albs from the chest down with the soutane showing through, so much so that it is no longer an alba but a nigra. Any apparels or ornamentation should be strictly reserved to the skirt of the alb.

He goes on to mention surplices and how St Charles Borromeo required that they go past the knee. But I digress, I am supposed to mention what was so funny about the book."

In the centre stands Don Saturnino, who is wearing a baroque chasuble and lace alb. Flanking him are Fr Jim Tucker and another priest in the matching dalmatics. Easter Sunday in Macchia di Giarre, Sicily.
(Credit and more photos: Dappled Photos)

"Well, every so often, there would be pictures of a Roman Chasuble decorated in the Baroque fashion - what some of us would even say is beautiful. Underneath these pictures would be a clinical and snobby caption like 'This is an example of a chasuble decorated in a most vulgar and ostentatious manner; is suitable only for domestic curtains', 'observe the rubbishy design', or 'a flowered frontal - puerile work'.

The 2 pictures that produced the loudest snorts of laughter was a picture of some stoles in various designs. The first was of a Baroque stole (Fig. 120) in the fishtail ending and another with a trapezium ending (Fig. 123). Fig. 120 caption, Horrible shape and mincing ornament. A good stole should never end in a spade. Fig 123 caption, Stole in the new style; more suitable for a necktie.

The other picture was a drawing of a prelate in one of those super tall mitres (which I am rather fond of, to be honest). The caption read, A pretentious construction, badly shaped and much over-decorated. The face is not a portrait.

There you go! Hopefully this provided you at least 5 minutes of amusement."

Cheating at Confession

"This was my mother, when she was growing up, her experience of confession.

Small town Pennsylvania - Pennsylvania has lots of small towns - and she was born in the 20s, so this was probably in the 30s - the 1930s - and at that time people went to communion and confession once a year; they went during Great Lent.

So in that little town that had lots of kids of Russian immigrants, had a church - the Russian church, that was called so anyway. Those kids got out of school early that Friday afternoon because they were all going to communion the next day, on Saturday. So that Friday afternoon, they were dismissed early, they all went up to the church and got in line for confession. Problem was, the priest was not English-speaking and the kids didn't know how to speak Russian because at home they spoke a dialect, like from the Ukraine and Poland and so on. So you have a communication problem.

So they put one of the older girls first, who understood Russian - who really understood Russian - and they would listen to her answers. So the priest would say, did you this, did you do this, did you do this, and they were listening.

"Da, da, nyet, da, da, nyet."

So they eavesdropped and they go back and send it to each person in the line, "2 das and a nyet. 2 das and a nyet!"

So everybody memorised the answers to confession."

Mother Christophora, abbess of the Orthodox Monastery of the Transfiguration in Ellwood City, Pennsylvania, speaking at the Orthodox Christian Women’s conference in Montreal in March 2008.

Choosing a Wife

A resident of the state of Chu had two wives. Another man tried to seduce the two women. First, he tried his tricks on the elder one, but was sworn at. Next, he approached the younger one, who easily fell prey to his charms.

Before very long, the husband of the two women died. Both of them were ready to remarry.
The go-between asked the interloper, "Which of the two women do you wish to marry?"
"I prefer the elder one."
The matchmaker replied, "Didn't the elder one curse you? And didn't the younger one comply with your wishes?"
"What you say is true. As long as the younger one was another man's wife, I was glad to have her as my lover, but I prefer a fierce woman who knows how to swear and is unlikely to become another man's lover."

Ding Cong, Wit & Humour from Ancient China (Asiapac, 1997), translated by Ma Mingtong & Xu Hui

"Do You Guys Have Any Short-Term Memory?"

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart takes on the American response to the 2008 South Ossetia war:

With Friends Like These...

Today, right after Akathist, Novice Valentina specifically asked me to go to church tomorrow (even though I usually do). Somewhat perplexed, I sent an SMS text message to Edward, seeking his opinion. He replied:

Either you're sacrifice or you've been deemed worthy to join the weapon-smuggling wing of the KGB tomorrow, and Alex* was out confirming appointment at embassy.

* He's almost always in church, but was not present that evening

Lost in Spelling

[21:59:10] Vincenzo says: what does mean God has a plane for you
[21:59:38] e-octopi says: God has an aircraft? :P

This Week's Weird News

A man in New Zealand has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, the New Zealand Herald has reported.

Police said William Singalargh, 27, had hurled the hedgehog about 5m (16ft) at a 15-year-old boy.

"It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks," said Senior Sgt Bruce Jenkins, in the North Island town of Whakatane.

It was unclear whether the hedgehog was still alive when it was thrown, though it was dead when collected as evidence.

The police spokesman said the suspect was arrested "for assault with a weapon, namely the hedgehog."

Mr Singalargh is due to appear in court on 17 April. If convicted, he faces up to five years in prison.

- BBC News, 09:35 GMT, Monday, 7 April

Yes, you read correctly.

No, no, not this.
No mere mortal could hurl something like that across 5 m.

Something more like this.

Estella's Christmas Cookies

This is a dream made flesh...

I give you: Estella's Magi Cookies (starring dinosaurs and Mr Men)!

The scene as depicted: the star of Bethlehem perched high in the sky; the Magi approaching from the south with their dinosaur (and elephant?) mounts, and the Holy Family awaiting that blessed hour.

Although...

...you celebrate this feast according to the heretical, innovative, thrice-cursed, graceless, schism-formenting, modernist, Nicæa-defying, œcumenicalist, popish calendar...

I would like to wish all my readers on the New Calendar a very happy Christmas! =)

May you all be blessed.

The Strange World of Estella

Inspired by a conversation from last night...

Estella says:
Did I tell you what my mum just brought back tonight from Australia?
Estella says:
A 100-piece box of cookie cutters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Estella says:
I can make DINOSAURS!
Estella says:
The dinosaurs ridden by the Magi to Bethlehem

Asian Failure

A little something Edward found while trawling Facebook:

If you get anything less than an A in ANY school subject, your parents are gonna kick your ass because anything less than an A wont get you into university. Congratulations, you have Asian failed. Join the club.

-ASIAN PERCENTAGES FOR THE KIDS-
100-90 - "YES!... phew"
90-86 - "Ohhhkayyyyyy"
85-80 - "Damnit!" <--- Asian failure starts here
70-80 - "Aw shit!"
60-70 - "Oh f*ck! My mom's gonna kill me!"
50-60 - "F*ck f*ckedy f*ckf*ckf*ck!"
<50? - Uh, well, if you don't kill yourself, your parents will

-ASIAN PERCENTAGES FOR THE PARENTS-
100-93 - "Hmm... okay"
93-80 - "Better improve it... NOW"
<80 - AIYAAA WTF LAHHH *pulls out hair*!!!

What Did You Think They Did Anyway?

From, of all sources, Interfax: