Friday, November 18, 2005

You know you’re Orthodox if...

• On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
• You can suck/vacuum up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
• You can sing ison to any song (and you know what an ison is… LoL).
• Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
• You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the ‘next to the next to last’ syllable.
• You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time.
• To you, a ‘topless’ gal is one without a headscarf.
• You get great deals on Easter candy.
• You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling and wax from your walls.
• When you see a shopping-mall Santa, your first instinct is to hold out your hands to get his blessing.
• Before you pray, you say a prayer.
• You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you.
When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you’re Jewish. Oy!
You’re experienced at removing wax from clothing.
• The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 ½ hours — and nobody around you complains.
• You consider any service two hours or under short/regular.
You know you’re in an Orthodox church when the priest says, “Let us complete our prayer to the Lord”, and there’s still half an hour to go.
• At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
• Your Easter isn’t Easter without an all-night party (featuring 10 dishes of sausage with cheese).
• Your priest is married.
• You have seen all members of clergy in purple robes.
• You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
• You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
• You celebrate feast days the night before.

My addition to the list…
• You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul.
• You can say "Lord have mercy" 40 times without making a mistake.

Any more ideas?


Blogger mIsTy_bIsTy said...

Hahahaha...~ Interesting..interesting... =P

Fri Nov 18, 11:03:00 am 2005  
Blogger Iosue Andreas said...

To think, had there been an Orthodox church closer than two hours away three years ago when I decided to leave the Anglican Communion, I might not be a Roman Catholic today! Not that I'm unhappy where I am, but Eastern Orthodoxy was my first choice at the time.

This post is very amusing, and, from what little I know, it's true for the miniscule Eastern Orthodox Church here in Korea as well. It's amazing how all those things are inculturated.

Also, I may be RC, but to me it'll always be Constantinople!

Sat Nov 19, 06:01:00 pm 2005  
Blogger royston said...

my two-cents worth!

you know you are orthodox when you say 'for ages and ages.' instead of 'world without end.'

Sat Nov 19, 08:53:00 pm 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know you're Orthodox when your kids are named after relatives in the Old Country and all have saints names.

Tue Sep 29, 10:54:00 am 2009  

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