Things I Love to Do - e.g. Argue over intepretation of the Bible

I have engaged in many arguments about the Christian religion with Protestant Christians (clergy and laity alike) ever since I was a mere child of 14. The most recent one was on Saturday, 18th September. I must say I really appreciate your words on the Bible, Clement. Thank you so much.

Some of his words to me that night:

Well, Paul said... If the Bible is not true... then our faith is meaningless!

What do you base your faith on?

Because if it's going to be anything else besides the bible, God's word, told me so, then our argument from henceforth will be meaningless

If you undermine the authority of the Bible... you undermine the authority of God's word...

If the Bible isn't made up of absolute literal truth, then how do you know what is true and what is figurative?

Aha... By YOUR human interpretation, I wouldn't be surprised

Oh... hmm… That reminds me... then how did you guys come up with the Eucharist with that half-truth interpretation of yours? Oh... perhaps that was one of the few things that was not an allegory

I know exactly how you feel toward the Orthodox and Catholic Churches (it’s the same institution with different names, isn’t it?). Personally, attending services gives me the chance to worship Mary and adore her as the creator of an Almighty God. I find the idea of worshipping the various saints and martyrs so appealing. Of course, I really love knowing that salvation is completely up to me and my righteousness apart from the grace of God. I feel a deep pride in the Church’s many murders of so-called heretics. Many people think this a problem, but really, I have no idea what they’re talking about. I am unaware of any commands of God against this sort of thing, because of course I never read the Bible.

What’s the thing you call the Word of God? I never heard of such a thing. Is that, like, what some of you call the Bible? I used to read something called that back at the Bible-Presbyterian Church – but that was so long ago and I’ve forgotten most of it anyway.

Thank you again for setting me straight. I have never ever heard before that our entire faith is based on the Bible. I always thought that I had to perform some magical rituals to make God known to me. I see clearly now that when the big black book we used to read together in my former church says “This is my Body which is given for you” (Luke 22:19) actually really means something else like “this is the bread that is symbolic of my body which is given for you”.

At this point I’m guessing the following verses must have been slips of tongue on Jesus’ part.

I am the bread of life
John 6:48

The bread I shall give is my flesh, which I shall give for the life of the world
John 6:51

For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed
John 6:58

And finally, thanks for making me see that all that stuff in John 3 about being born again of water and the Spirit really means water and the Spirit are complete opposites.

Which reminds me: I just *love* adding absurd human traditions, myths and legends to the pure word of God. Also, I get a real kick out of enslaving myself to little rules and regulations so as to chain myself with fear and cut myself off from the love of God.

It is so good to *finally* after all these years, have somebody who *really* knows the Word of God to clue me in. Who would have thought that all those years of studying.... what's that big black book called again? Ah! Yes – “the Bible”.

Anyway, who would have thought that all those years of studying the Bible, hearing sermons and attending Bible study could have left me so totally ignorant of what Scripture really means? Thank you ever so much for enlightening me. I am eternally grateful.

Attention all Orthodox and Catholics, feel free to add your favourite spiritually crippling legend, lie, or practice to the pool. The more the merrier! That's what makes enslavement to the traditions of men and utter blindness to the saving gospel of Jesus Christ fun!